The handover

The practical part of this book has two halves. This chapter is the evening half. It takes about ten minutes, and it does more than anything else here to make the nights quieter. I call it the handover, because it's what a shift worker does at the end of a shift. They write down what's outstanding so that the next person can pick it up, and then they go home. The next person in this case is you, tomorrow.

When. Do it in the early evening, and not in bed or just before it. After supper is good, or straight after you get in from work. You want at least an hour or two between the handover and going to sleep, so that you're not stirring things up at bedtime. Do it at the same time each day and attach it to something that already happens, such as clearing the table.

Where. Sit at a table with a pen and a notebook. Don't do it in the bedroom. Use paper and not the phone, because the phone has everything else on it.

What. Draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left, write down whatever is on your mind, one line for each item. Include anything that's unresolved, nagging or likely to turn up at three. Be specific. "Money" isn't an item, and "the roofer's quote, four thousand eight hundred" is. On the right, against each item, write the next step and when you'll take it. It should be the next physical action and not a solution. "Ring roofer Thursday lunch, ask about staged payment." "Ask Jo tonight about staying with Mum for the first two nights." "Talk to Sam on the walk to school tomorrow."

Some items won't have a next step, and it's worth sorting those into two kinds.

Some have no step yet because you're waiting on something. "Restructure, announcement due on the 14th." Write down what you're waiting for and when it's due. "Nothing to do until the 14th." You've now made a decision about it, and your mind can treat it as one.

Some have no step at all because they're outside your control or they're too vague to act on. "What if the economy gets worse." "Am I a good enough parent." Write them down anyway, and against them write "no step". It does some good to see, on paper and in daylight, that a thing which takes up forty minutes a night has nothing on the right-hand side. If the same stepless item appears night after night and distresses you, that's worth talking over with someone. Chapter 15 says more.

Here's what a page might look like on an ordinary evening, as an example. On the left it says roof quote, Mum's first nights home, attachment to manager, Sam and break time, restructure, MOT. On the right, against each, it says ring roofer Thursday lunch, ask Jo tonight, sent this morning and done, ask Sam on the walk tomorrow, nothing to do until the 14th, book online Saturday. That's six lines. Three of them will be finished within a day. The list felt much bigger than that when you were carrying it in your head.

Then close the book. Literally close it, and say to yourself, if it helps, "That's handed over." The day's review of problems has now been done by a competent person at a reasonable hour, with a pen in their hand.

Give the big ones a proper session. The handover is for noting and scheduling. It isn't for solving. If something needs real thought, such as a decision about a job or a complicated money question, the next step you write down is an appointment with yourself. "Saturday, 10 a.m., kitchen table, one hour, mortgage options." Schedule it for your best time of day, which for most people is somewhere in the morning. That gets you the uninterrupted thinking time that the three o'clock quiet seemed to offer, at an hour when your judgment is sound.

Put the pad by the bed. The second piece of kit is a small pad and a pencil on the bedside table. I'll explain its use in the next chapter. For now, just put it there.

A few questions come up.

Won't writing it all down in the evening stir me up? It can for the first few evenings, particularly if you've been avoiding looking at things. That's one reason for the gap before bed. After a week it usually becomes routine, and most people find it calming, because a list on paper is nearly always shorter than the same list felt in the head.

What if I miss an evening? Then you miss an evening. Do it the next day. The assurance you're building comes from the general habit and not from an unbroken run.

Is ten minutes enough? For noting and scheduling, yes. If it regularly takes much longer, you're solving and not noting. Stop, and give the big item its own session.