"But I always apologise"

You do apologise. You mean it. You're not one of those people who swans in as though nothing happened. So it can feel as though the account is settled each time.

Consider what an apology is for. When you say sorry, you're saying that you did something you shouldn't have, that you know it, and that you'll try not to do it again. The third part is what gives it value. A sorry that comes with a change is worth a good deal. A sorry that comes without one is a formality, and people learn quickly to hear it as one.

What follows is my reasoning and not a study. If you apologise for the same thing every week, the apology stops carrying information. The people who hear it know you're sorry and know it makes no difference. After a while it can even grate, because it asks them to do something, which is to say "Don't worry about it," and they're now saying that for the fortieth time about something they do, a little, worry about. You've moved a small cost onto them with the lateness and then a second small cost with the apology.

There's a worse version. The apology comes with a story. The keys, the phone call, the wet path. The story is meant to show that it wasn't your fault. The person hearing it has heard a different story each time, and has quietly noticed that the outcome is always the same. From outside, a person with a new reason every week looks like a person who doesn't intend to change, whatever they say.

So I'd ask you to be careful with the word sorry. Use it once, briefly, and without a story. "Sorry I'm late" is enough, and then the subject should change. And keep it in reserve for the times when you've done what this book asks and are late anyway. Then it will mean something, because it'll be rare.

The better apology is the one you make before the fact. A message at quarter to nine that says "Running ten minutes late, start without me" costs you nothing and gives the other person the thing they most want, which is information. They can start. They can order. They can put the lasagne in later. That message is worth more than any sorry on arrival. Chapter 20 says more about it.

But the best form of the apology is the one you never have to make. Nobody who arrives at five to nine has to say anything.