"I deserve it"

It's Friday. You've had a hard week, you got through it, and you did a couple of things well that nobody noticed. There's a jumper you've been shown twice, and the thought arrives fully formed that you've earned this.

I don't want to argue with the first half of that thought. You probably have earned something. People who work hard and look after others and never give themselves anything aren't admirable, only worn out. If this book left you feeling that spending money on yourself is a weakness, it would have done you harm.

The trouble is the join between the two halves. "I've earned something" is about you and your week. "So I'll have this jumper" is about a jumper that happened to be on your screen. Nothing connects them except timing.

Uzma Khan and Ravi Dhar studied how that join gets made. In five studies they found that after people had done something virtuous, or merely committed to it, they were more likely to pick an indulgent option in a later choice. The good act gave their view of themselves a brief boost, and the boost worked as a licence. The indulgence didn't have to be related to the good act in any way. It only had to come next.

So a hard week works like a voucher that can be spent on anything, and the shop is glad to take it. Notice also that "I deserve it" tends to turn up when part of you has doubts. You don't tell yourself you deserve a new kettle when the old one has broken. You just buy a kettle. The phrase usually appears when you half know the purchase needs defending.

You can test how well these rewards work. Try to remember what you rewarded yourself with three Fridays ago. If it comes to mind and you're still glad of it, that was a good reward. If it doesn't come to mind at all, the week's effort was traded for something that had gone within days.

I think a reward that works has three features, and this is my view and not a finding. You choose it in advance, so your well-rested self picks it and not your worn-out Friday self. It's tied to the effort, so that you know what it's for. And you enjoy it at the time, so it can't be sitting in a box. A meal out on Friday night that you booked on Monday does all three. So does the coat you've wanted for a year, bought at the end of the project you said you'd finish first.

The jumper that appeared on your screen has none of those features. You can do better for yourself than that, and with the week you've had you ought to.