Debt, partners and weeks you can't face it

The method is simple. Some situations aren't, and I should be plain about them.

If what you find is debt you can't manage. Some readers will empty the drawer and find that the list is long, the sums are large and there's no way the income covers it. If that's you, I'm sorry, and please hear this. You are in a better position today than you were yesterday. The debt was the same size yesterday, and you didn't know it. Now you can get help with it. Contact one of the free debt advice services, which are Citizens Advice, StepChange, National Debtline and MoneyHelper. Take your list with you. An adviser will help you work out which debts to deal with first. They'll look at what you can afford and negotiate with creditors on your behalf. If you live in England or Wales, they can also apply for Breathing Space for you where it's appropriate. That gives you up to sixty days without enforcement, contact from creditors, or added interest and charges on the debts included. The government's guidance notes that the scheme is free to apply for, though some debt advisers may charge a fee. The services named above don't charge. Don't pay a company for debt advice without first trying the free ones.

If a letter mentions court, a liability order or enforcement agents. Get advice straight away, that day if you can. There are still options at this stage, but the windows are short and the rules are particular. This is what the advice services are for.

If money worries are affecting your mind. Chapter 6 described how closely debt and distress go together. The NHS advises seeing a GP if you're still feeling worried, anxious or low after a few weeks, and in England you can refer yourself to NHS talking therapies. If you've had thoughts of ending your life, get help the same day, through NHS 111, an urgent GP appointment, or 999 in an emergency. People in the middle of money trouble often can't see a way out. There nearly always is one, and an adviser can usually point to it in the first conversation.

Partners. If you share money with someone and one of you has been not looking, the first conversation is the hard one. My suggestion is to have it about the method and not about the past. "I've realised I've been avoiding the post and the accounts, and I'd like us to do twenty minutes together on Sundays." If there are things in the drawer your partner doesn't know about, tell them after you've emptied it and made the list, so that you can say what the position is and what you're doing about it. That conversation will be uncomfortable. It will be less uncomfortable than the one that happens when they find out by accident. If the difficulty between you is more than ordinary awkwardness, the caution in the preface applies. That would be the case if you're afraid of your partner's reaction, or if they control the money and keep you from seeing it. Help is available through the National Domestic Abuse Helpline.

When someone else has always done it. Some people don't look because a partner or parent always handled the money, and now that person is ill, or gone, or has left. The task then includes learning what accounts and bills exist at all. Begin with the post. Open everything for a month and you'll have a fair map of what there is. A bank will help a bereaved customer find their way around, and Citizens Advice can help with the rest.

Letters and messages that may not be real. Part of looking properly is being a little careful. Fraudsters send texts, emails and sometimes letters that imitate banks, tax authorities and delivery firms, and they rely on alarm. If a message demands urgent payment or asks for your details, don't use the link or number it gives. Contact the organisation through its official website or the number on your card. I haven't reviewed guidance on scams for this book, so take that as common sense and not as a complete defence.

Weeks you can't face it. There'll be weeks when you're ill, or low, or overwhelmed, and the post piles up on the side and the app goes unopened. It happens to everyone and it isn't a return to the old life. The old habit had years of practice. When you notice, do the smallest version. Open every envelope, which takes five minutes, and look at the balance for ten seconds. Leave everything else for the next weekly look. What matters is that nothing in the house stays sealed. A short stack of opened letters is a small job for next week, whereas sealed envelopes left on the side would be the beginning of another drawer.