"I'll see what a few more people think"

You've talked the course over with your partner, your sister, two friends, a colleague you trust, and a man at a wedding who turned out to be a landscape gardener. Each conversation was pleasant, and afterwards you felt you'd made progress. None of them changed anything.

Asking people can be useful. Someone who has done the course, or who hires garden designers, knows things you don't. One conversation with a person like that is worth more than a month of laps, and chapter 4's test applies. If you can write down the question and they can answer it, go and ask.

The trouble is that most of the asking isn't like that. Here's what I think it's doing instead. These are my observations and I've no study behind them.

You may be collecting votes. If enough people say do it, the decision is partly theirs, and so is the blame. This is the third need from chapter 2, not being the one at fault. It doesn't work, because people don't vote the same way. Your sister thinks you should go for it. Your colleague thinks the job market is terrible. Your partner, by now, will say whatever they think will end the conversation. With a split vote you're back on your own, and you now have three more opinions to weigh.

Or you may be looking for reassurance. You want someone to tell you it will be fine. They can't know that, and you know they can't, so the comfort lasts about as long as the conversation. Then you need another one. This is a lap with someone else in the room.

Each person also tends to add something. A friend mentions a cousin who retrained and regretted it. Someone suggests a fourth option you hadn't thought of. After chapter 5 you know what a fourth option does.

And they get tired of it. People who love you will talk a decision through twice with real interest. By the fifth time they've noticed that nothing they say makes a difference. Some stop offering opinions. Some start to tease you about the spreadsheet. They're not being unkind. Going round it with you again wouldn't help, and they can see that.

I'd suggest a rule for asking. Ask people who have knowledge you lack, and ask them something specific. "What do you wish you'd known before you started?" is a good question. "What do you think I should do?" usually isn't. They can't weigh your life for you, so their answer tells you about them. When you've had the specific answers, stop asking. If you catch yourself about to raise the subject with someone for comfort, that's a good moment to get the list of musts out, which is coming in chapter 15.

One exception matters. If the decision is shared, with a partner whose life it changes too, their view isn't a vote you're collecting. Part of the decision belongs to them. Chapter 18 comes back to that.