Still true in twenty minutesCalm

unbry

Still true in twenty minutes

A short book about losing your temper, and how to keep your point instead

16 chapters12,023 wordsAbout 55 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startYou can read this book in two evenings. I kept it short because a person who loses their temper doesn't need four hundred pages of reasons to feel bad…1 min
1Ten minutes afterThe house has gone quiet. A door is shut somewhere upstairs, and it was shut hard. You're standing in the kitchen with your heart still going, and the…3 min
2What anger is forMany people who pick up a book like this one have reached a simple verdict about anger. It's the enemy. It has cost them friendships, maybe a job, some…3 min
3"I need to let it out"Ask people why they blow up and the most common answer involves pressure. "It builds and builds, and eventually it has to come out." "Better out than in."…3 min
4"If I hold it in, it'll make me ill"If the outburst isn't a release valve, you might expect people to give it up happily. Mostly they don't, and one reason is the alternative they picture.…3 min
5"It's the only way anyone listens"Here's a common household scene, offered as an example. A parent asks a child to put their shoes on. They ask again, pleasantly. They ask a third time…3 min
6The story in the gapA car pulls out in front of you and you brake hard. In the first second you feel fright. In the second, you're furious, and the fury comes with a…3 min
7The wrong personConsider two versions of the same moment. In both, you walk into the kitchen at half past six and your partner says, "Did you remember to ring the…4 min
8"That's just how I am""I've got a temper. Always have. My dad was the same, and his dad before him." People say this in different tones. Some say it with a shrug, some with a…4 min
9"If I stop, people will walk all over me"This may be the fear that matters most, so I'll put it as strongly as I can. You might say your temper is the only thing standing between you and being…4 min
10The decisionHere's where we've got to. The outburst doesn't release anything, and mostly it keeps the anger going. Swallowing the feeling whole isn't the only…6 min
11When the heat comes backYou'll be angry again, possibly this week. The feeling will arrive as quickly as it always has, because nothing in this book changes your first second.…3 min
12Old angerSome anger has nothing to do with this evening. You're in the shower, or driving, or lying awake at two in the morning, and you're in an argument with…4 min
13After a bad oneAt some point you'll lose your temper again. It may come after three good weeks, on a day when you were ill and the car failed its test and somebody said…4 min
14The next timeYou've finished the book, and at some point in the next few days you're going to be angry. I'd like you to be ready for that, so here are three things to…2 min
·NotesThe punching bag experiment in chapters 3 and 4 is Brad Bushman, "Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction…3 min

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