It's already overCalm

unbry

It's already over

A short book about going over old mistakes again and again, as though one more time through will change how they ended

17 chapters12,184 wordsAbout 55 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book and you can read it in two or three sittings. It's about one habit. Something you did or said, months or years ago, comes back into…2 min
1At the washing lineIt's Sunday, late afternoon, and you're hanging out washing. Your hands know the job, so your mind is free, and into the free space comes the photocopier.…3 min
2What the replays seem to be forIf replays were plainly useless, you'd have stopped long ago. People don't keep up a habit for eleven years unless it seems to be doing something. So this…3 min
3"I'm learning from it"This is the most respectable reason for a replay, so I'll start with what's right about it. Thinking about how things might have gone differently is one…3 min
4"I should have known"Some replays are about a decision, where the photocopier was a moment of clumsiness. You sold the flat in 2016 and watched the street double in price. You…3 min
5"Nobody's forgotten"A lot of replays are about an audience. You said "at least it was quick", and she heard it, and now she knows you're the kind of person who says such…3 min
6"I deserve to feel bad about it"For some mistakes, the replay is mainly about justice. You did something that hurt someone, or you failed someone who was counting on you. It seems wrong…3 min
7"If I stop, I'll do it again"This belief is the quietest of the five and, I think, the one with the firmest grip on people. The replays feel like a guard on duty. As long as the…3 min
8What the replays costThe last five chapters argued that the replays don't deliver what they promise. This one is about what they take. I've left it until now because I didn't…3 min
9The ones you can still mendGo back to the list you made after chapter 1. For each event, ask a question the replays have never asked. Is there anything here that can still be done?…3 min
10The ones you can'tI've been using a small example on purpose, and it would be dishonest to leave it there. Some of what people replay isn't a clumsy sentence. It's a real…3 min
11Telling it as someone else's storyBefore the method, there's one technique that needs a chapter to itself, because the method depends on it. You might fairly ask how a written account…3 min
12The write-upHere is the method. Each event gets gone through once, properly, on paper. I call it the write-up. It takes between twenty minutes and an hour. It…4 min
13When it comes backIt will come back. A write-up doesn't erase a groove that's been worn for eleven years. Sometime in the following week you'll be at the washing line and…3 min
14The decisionThis chapter asks you to decide something. It comes late because I wanted the reasons in place first. If you'd begun here, the rule below would have felt…4 min
15The washing line againHere's the scene from chapter 1 again, some months on. It's an example of how it might go, and I'm not promising it. It's Sunday, late afternoon, and…2 min
·NotesThis book gives general information. It isn't medical or psychological advice, and it's no substitute for a doctor or therapist who knows your situation.…5 min

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