The feeling will pass without helpHabits

unbry

The feeling will pass without help

A short book about reaching for food, drink, a screen or a purchase the moment you feel uncomfortable

26 chapters11,657 wordsAbout 53 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book and you can read it in two or three sittings. It's about one habit, and the habit has many faces. Something in you goes slightly…2 min
1Twenty past threeIt's twenty past three on a Wednesday and you're at your desk. The morning went fine. Now there's a stretch of something that isn't quite a task, and…3 min
2Why reaching seems rightBefore I argue against the habit, I want to be fair to it, because you're not a fool for having it and it does things for you. It works, or seems to. The…2 min
3"The feeling won't go on its own"The belief at the bottom of the habit is this. If you don't do something about the feeling, it'll stay. Boredom doesn't end by itself. Flatness doesn't…2 min
4"The remedy is what ended it"Now the alibi, because it's the mechanism that keeps the belief in chapter 3 alive. Think about when the reach happens. Not at the very first flicker…2 min
5"It'll get worse if I don't"The objection to the ten-minute test is the fear underneath the reach. If I don't do something, the feeling will climb. It'll get unbearable. The reach…2 min
6"I can't concentrate until it's gone"Here's a practical objection. Whether or not the feeling would pass, it's in the way now. You can't work with the flicker sitting in your chest. The…2 min
7"I don't even notice I'm doing it"A lot of readers will say, quite reasonably, that the method assumes a moment that doesn't exist. Catch the flicker. But there's no flicker to catch. The…2 min
8"It's only a small thing"Then there's the sense of proportion. A biscuit. Five minutes on the phone. It's not as if you're doing anything. A book about biscuits is a book about…2 min
9"At least it's not something worse"A lot of readers will have a comparison ready. It's a biscuit, not a bottle. It's the phone, not the casino. Whatever this is, it's the mild version, and…2 min
10"Everyone around me does it"Some of the reaching is social, and it's worth a chapter of its own, because the social version doesn't feel like a reach. It feels like joining in. The…2 min
11"I've had a hard day, I deserve it"This is the belief I most want to be careful with, because there's something right in it and something that's been smuggled in alongside. You do deserve…2 min
12"Distraction works, everyone says so"Here's a belief with a lot of support behind it. When you feel bad, distract yourself. It's what everyone says, and there's evidence that it works. The…2 min
13"Sitting with it sounds like therapy-speak"Some readers will have flinched at the direction this is going. Sit with the feeling. Ride the wave. Name it. You've heard this language before and it…2 min
14"But some feelings are real problems"Now the objection that matters most, and I want to give it its full weight. Some of what you feel isn't a lull. It's a real problem. The tension at six is…2 min
15"I'd just be miserable all the time"Under a lot of the resistance to this book there's a picture, and it's of a life without remedies as a life of unrelieved discomfort. Grey afternoons with…2 min
16What the reaching costsI've argued the mechanism. This chapter is the bill, and most of it is paid in small coins. A day made of small escapes. That's the first cost and the…2 min
17What it does to the feelingThere's a cost that lands on the feeling itself, and it's worth a short chapter because it explains why the habit gets worse and not better. A feeling…2 min
18The flickerThe next three chapters are the method. This one is about the first thirty seconds, which is where the whole thing is decided. Catch it. The flicker has a…2 min
19Riding the waveInside the ten minutes, there's a way of being with the feeling that makes it easier, and it's worth describing, because the alternative is to spend the…2 min
20Answering the feelingThe second list, from chapter 14. Feelings that came with a second word, or that keep coming back, or that didn't fall in ten minutes. These aren't waves.…2 min
21The decisionYou've got the argument and the method. What's left is to decide, and I'd like the decision to be one sentence. When I feel the flicker and my hand moves…2 min
22Drink, screens, shopping, food, the bad week and when it's more than a habitThe rule holds for every remedy. A few of them, and a few situations, need their own paragraph. Drink. The wine at six, poured for the flat half hour and…3 min
23When you've reached againIt will happen, and often at first. You'll find the biscuit half eaten, or the phone in your hand in the queue, or the glass poured, and realise you never…2 min
24Twenty past three, againIt's twenty past three on a Wednesday, some weeks on. The morning went fine. Now there's the stretch that isn't quite a task, and something in your chest…2 min
·NotesThis book gives general information about an everyday habit. It isn't medical or psychological advice, and it's no substitute for a GP or a therapist who…3 min