Dropping it out loud

Deciding to drop it is most of the work. Saying so is the part that reaches your partner, and it needs a sentence, because a silent drop looks like a sulk.

"You might be right." Four words, said as though you mean them, because you might. This is the sentence for facts you can't check. It doesn't say they are right. It says the question's open, which it is, and that you're not going to close it by force.

"I don't think it matters which day it was." The sentence for facts that fail the second question. It's true, it's kind, and it moves the conversation off the fact and back to whatever the fact interrupted, which was usually dinner.

"Let's check later." For facts with a record. Then, and this is the whole of it, when you check and you were right, say nothing. Not "see". Not "told you". Nothing. The check settled the fact. The silence settles the evening. If they were right, say so, plainly, "you were right, it was Wednesday", because that sentence is worth more to the spiral than a hundred wins.

"I'd rather have the evening." For when the argument has already started and you can both feel it. It's honest about what's at stake, it takes the fact off the table, and it offers the other person the same exit, which most people take.

The check you're itching to make. Sometimes there is a record and you know it's on your side and the urge to produce it is nearly physical. This is the moment the method is for. "Let's check later" is still the sentence, and later means later, not in ninety seconds with the phone under the table. The check will confirm what you know. The delay is what tells your partner that confirming it wasn't the point, and the delay is the whole difference between a fact settled and a fact wielded.

Say it without the edge. Each of these sentences can be said as a move in the spiral, with a tone that means "I'm being the bigger person". That's not dropping it. That's winning by a different route, and your partner will hear it. Say them flat and warm, the way you'd say them to a friend whose memory of a restaurant differed from yours.

Then change the subject. Dropping it and then sitting in silence is a drop that hasn't finished. Ask about their day. Pass the salt. The argument is over when the conversation has gone somewhere else, and you can take it there.

Don't announce the method. "I've decided not to argue about this sort of thing any more" is a speech, and speeches about your own restraint are a way of being right about being right. Just drop it. They'll notice within a fortnight, and the noticing will do more than any announcement.