The check

Sometimes the other account isn't enough, because it matters. Thursday matters. The dinner matters. You need to know, and there's one way to know, and it takes one sentence.

Make it about them. "You seem quiet tonight. Rough day?" "Was that a heavy one at work?" "Is Thursday a normal catch-up, or is there something on the report you want me to look at first?" The question points at their day and offers them a way to tell you about it. It doesn't point at your standing.

Keep it to one sentence. Not a preamble about how you'd noticed and didn't want to intrude and hoped it wasn't about you. That's the reading, spoken aloud, and it puts the other person in charge of your feelings about their mood. One sentence, plain, and then quiet.

Ask once. If the answer is "I'm fine, just tired", that's the answer. Don't ask again in ten minutes. Don't ask in a different form. A second ask is the reassurance seeking that chapter 13 warned about, and it teaches them that "fine" won't be accepted, which teaches them to perform.

Accept the answer. This is the hard part. The reading will want to hear the answer as a cover. "They said fine but they don't mean it." That's the reading refusing to lose, and it can't be argued with, because it treats every answer as further evidence. The rule is that the check settles it. If it was about you, most people will tell you when asked kindly and directly, and chapter 24 is for that. If they say it wasn't, it wasn't, and the evening is over.

Know when to ask. The check is for things that matter and for people you're close to. Not for the neighbour who didn't wave, who is chapter 21. Not for the friend's slightly-too-cheerful reply, which isn't a thing. Ask when you'd act differently depending on the answer, and leave it when you wouldn't.

Ask in the moment where you can. At dinner, at the door, in a two-line reply to the two-line email. "Thanks, see you Thursday. Anything I should prepare?" The check that happens on the day costs a sentence. The check that happens on Thursday after two days of the evening costs two days.