The decision

You've read the argument. Here's the decision, in one sentence, and then how to hold it.

The rule is this. If they can do it badly, they do it. Not if they can do it well, and not if there's time, and not if you're in the mood to watch. If a child that age could produce a bad version, the bad version is theirs to produce, and your job is the least help and the margin.

Three things to decide now, while you're not in the hall.

Which job. Chapter 19. One, the annoying one, with "done" written down at their height.

What you'll do when the hand moves. It will move. It's had years of practice and it's faster than you. So decide in advance what you'll do instead, in the form "when this happens, I'll do that". Research on plans of that shape, which Peter Gollwitzer and Paschal Sheeran reviewed across nearly a hundred studies, finds that stating the situation and the response together makes the response much more likely to happen than a general intention does, because the situation itself then cues the action. So. When I see the strap going through the wrong loop, I'll put my hands in my pockets. When I hear "can you just do it", I'll say "what's the first bit you're stuck on". When I'm about to redo the bed, I'll leave the room. Write yours down. They should be about your hands and your mouth, because those are what the takeover uses.

What you'll say when it's done. "You did your bag." Decide the sentence, because in the moment you'll want to say something about the sandwich.

What to expect. The first week is slow and the second week is less slow. Somewhere in the third or fourth, you'll notice the job happening without you, and that's the point at which to add the next one. Phillippa Lally and colleagues, following ninety-six volunteers building a daily habit, found that it took weeks to months for a new behaviour to become automatic, that the range was wide, and that missing a day didn't materially set it back. That was adults building their own habits and I'm stretching it to a child building one with you watching, so treat it as a shape and not a schedule. The shape is that it gets easier, unevenly, and that a bad day doesn't reset it.

And what to expect from yourself. You'll take over. Probably on Thursday. Chapter 25 is about that, and the short version is that it's a takeover and not a verdict, and the job is still theirs on Friday.