Notes
This book gives general information about an everyday habit. It isn't medical advice or a parenting programme, and it's no substitute for a health visitor, GP or family support service that knows your family. The NHS guidance and helplines I mention are for England as I found them in September 2026.
I've kept sources out of the chapters where I could so they read easily. Here they are by chapter, with the limits I'm aware of. Unless I say otherwise, I read the published summary of each paper and not the full text. I checked each paper for a retraction or correction notice in September 2026 and found none. Where a chapter isn't listed, it rests on my own reasoning. That includes chapters 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 13, 15, 16, 20 and 23. The family, the pasta, the tablet on the fridge and everything else in the running example are invented.
Before you start. The advice to avoid smacking, that it doesn't have a lasting positive effect and that children learn by example, is from the NHS page "Dealing with child behaviour problems", which also gives the Family Lives helpline number. Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor, "Spanking and child outcomes: old controversies and new meta-analyses", Journal of Family Psychology 30, 2016, pages 453 to 469, pooled 111 effect sizes from studies of 160,927 children and found spanking linked with worse outcomes across nearly all of them. The domestic abuse helpline number is from the NHS page on getting help for domestic violence and abuse. The two-week guide for low mood is from the NHS pages on depression.
Chapter 3. Owen, Slep and Heyman, "The effect of praise, positive nonverbal response, reprimand, and negative nonverbal response on child compliance: a systematic review", Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review 15, 2012, pages 364 to 385. Forty-one studies. Compliance was measured in the short term, which is the sense in which the chapter says the shout works. Smith, Dishion, Shaw, Wilson, Winter and Patterson, "Coercive family process and early-onset conduct problems from age 2 to school entry", Development and Psychopathology 26, 2014, pages 917 to 932. Seven hundred and thirty-one families from a prevention trial, with coercion observed rather than reported. The reading of the ladder as a training programme is mine.
Chapter 7. Straus and Field, "Psychological aggression by American parents: national data on prevalence, chronicity, and severity", Journal of Marriage and Family 65, 2003, pages 795 to 808. Nine hundred and ninety-one parents, American, reporting on the previous twelve months. Wang and Kenny, "Longitudinal links between fathers' and mothers' harsh verbal discipline and adolescents' conduct problems and depressive symptoms", Child Development 85, 2014, pages 908 to 923. Nine hundred and seventy-six two-parent families, followed from age thirteen to fourteen, with harsh verbal discipline including shouting, yelling, swearing and insults. The extension from that to routine shouting at younger children is mine, and the chapter says so.
Chapter 8. The NHS page as above, for the point about learning by example. What I say about what was learned is my reasoning.
Chapter 9. Lansford and colleagues, "Corporal punishment, maternal warmth, and child adjustment: a longitudinal study in eight countries", Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology 43, 2014, pages 670 to 685. One thousand one hundred and ninety-six children aged seven to ten, followed for two years. The moderation by warmth varied by country. Wang and Kenny as above. The account of why warmth and the shout don't cancel is mine.
Chapter 10. Wang and Kenny as above, for the child effect. The NHS page as above, for the reasons for difficult behaviour.
Chapter 11. Smith and colleagues as above, for coercive escalation. The reading of the child's shout as a learned tool is mine.
Chapter 12. The NHS page "Anger", for the physical symptoms and the advice to count to ten and breathe before reacting. The argument from not shouting at the shop assistant is mine.
Chapter 14. Wang and Kenny as above, for depressive symptoms. The distinction between respect and fear is mine.
Chapter 17. The NHS page on difficult behaviour, for talking to your child, explaining why, and being specific in praise. Owen and colleagues as above, for the mixed findings on praise. The method is mine.
Chapter 18. The NHS page on difficult behaviour, for consistency, not giving up, and the distinction between a reward and a bribe. The method is mine.
Chapter 19. The NHS page "Anger" as above. Wang and Kenny as above, for what harsh verbal discipline consists of. The list is mine.
Chapter 21. Gollwitzer and Sheeran, "Implementation intentions and goal achievement: a meta-analysis of effects and processes", Advances in Experimental Social Psychology 38, 2006, pages 69 to 119. The rule and its parts haven't been tested together, and what I say to expect is my expectation and not a finding.
Chapter 22. Wang and Kenny as above. The NHS pages as above. Furlong, McGilloway, Bywater, Hutchings, Smith and Donnelly, "Behavioural and cognitive-behavioural group-based parenting programmes for early-onset conduct problems in children aged 3 to 12 years", Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2012, issue 2, CD008225. Thirteen trials, 1,078 participants, children with conduct problems, effects measured in the short term. Everything else in the chapter is my own suggestion.