The name in the list again

Here's the scene from chapter 1 again. It's an example of how it might go, and I'm not promising it.

It's Sunday afternoon, about four. You're looking for the plumber's number, and on the way down the list your thumb passes the name of your friend from the old office.

The pang comes, and with it the old thoughts, right on time. It's been over a year, they haven't been in touch either, and it's their turn. You recognise them now. They're the cue.

You open the conversation. "We must catch up soon!" and the thumbs up, fourteen months old. You type underneath it.

"I walked past the sandwich place on Thursday and thought of you. It's been far too long. How's the new job turned out? If you're free on Saturday the 14th I'd love to buy you a coffee."

You read it once. Your thumb hovers, because understanding the fear doesn't make it vanish. Then you press send, put the phone face down, and ring the plumber.

Forty minutes later it buzzes. "Oh I'm SO glad you messaged. I've been meaning to for months and felt worse about it every week. The job is a long story. Can't do the 14th, but are you free on the 21st? I'll come to you."

On the 21st you sit in a café for two and a half hours. The job is indeed a long story. So is their father's health, which you knew nothing about, and so is your own year, which you hadn't planned to talk about and do. At the end they say, "Why did we leave it so long?" and neither of you has a good answer. You put the next date in your phones before you leave the table.

They won't all go like that. Some messages will get a line back and no more. One or two will get nothing. You'll have quiet months again, and you'll need the three-minute warm-up more than once. But the friendships you restart will last a good deal longer than the sting from the ones that didn't work.

Your friend was never waiting for a better message or a shorter gap. They were waiting for the same thing you were, which was for the other one to go first. One of you had to, and you're the one who knows that now.

If you do one thing after closing this book, pick up your phone and send three friendly messages to people you spoke to last month. After that, find the name you thought of while you were reading this, and write to them.