What did you expect it to fix?Calm

unbry

What did you expect it to fix?

A short book about believing the next job, house or partner will finally make you content

26 chapters13,533 wordsAbout 62 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book and you can read it in two or three sittings. It's about one habit, which is carrying a low, steady discontent around and expecting…2 min
1Nine o'clock, the listings, and the humIt's nine in the evening and the day is done. You're on the sofa with the phone, and you've opened the property site again. You don't have a plan to move.…2 min
2Why the next thing makes senseNobody keeps a property search open at nine at night because they've weighed it up and decided it's the best use of the evening. They keep it open because…2 min
3"This one will be different"Look at the list you made in chapter 1. If it has three next things on it, then three times you have believed that this particular change was the answer…2 min
4"I'd be happy if only"The if-only is a small sentence and it carries most of the weight. "I'd be happy if only I had a garden." "I'd be fine if only I wasn't doing this job."…2 min
5"People who have it are happier"You've got evidence, and it isn't only your own imagination. You know people who've got the next thing. The friend on the coast seems calmer. The…2 min
6"Feeling like this means something's wrong with my life"This is the belief that holds the others up. If you feel a steady dissatisfaction, something must be causing it, and the cause must be out there in the…2 min
7"It worked last time"You've got a strong reply to all of this, which is your own memory. The move did work. The first months in the new place were the best you'd felt in…2 min
8"If everything wears off, why bother with anything?"At this point the argument can tip into something bleak, and I want to stop it before it does. If the season always ends and the hum always comes back…2 min
9"Settling is giving up"There's a word waiting for anyone who stops chasing the next thing, and the word is settling. You know people who settled. They're in the job they had at…2 min
10"I can picture exactly how it'll feel"Part of what makes the next thing so convincing is the clarity of the preview. You can see the kitchen. You can see yourself at the table in the new job…2 min
11"The new job will fix it"Now the specific ones, because the hum picks its objects and the job is the commonest. You're not bullied and you're not underpaid, or not badly. You're…2 min
12"The house will fix it"The house is the next thing you can see most clearly, and the property site is designed to make sure of that. Three bedrooms. The garden. The kitchen that…2 min
13"The right person will fix it"This one is quieter, because most people don't say it out loud. But it's there, on the bad days, in a relationship that's fine. The thought that with a…2 min
14"A baby will fix it"The baby is the next thing people are least willing to say they're expecting to fix anything, and it's also the one with the most research, so I'll be…2 min
15"Once I've got enough money"Money is the next thing behind most of the others. The house needs it, the retirement is made of it, the job is partly about it. And there's a widely…2 min
16What the next thing costs youSo far this has been about whether the next thing works. This chapter is about what it costs while you're waiting for it, because the waiting isn't free…2 min
17What it does to the things you getThere's one more cost, and it's the strangest, because it falls on the next thing itself. The belief that a change will fix the hum makes the change worse…2 min
18Fix or hopeEverything in the book so far comes down to one distinction. A fix removes a cause you can name. A hope is expected to remove a feeling. The listings…2 min
19Keep the seasonSuppose the next thing passed the test and you did it. Or suppose you did one years ago, and you're now in the house or the job or the relationship and…2 min
20Improve the life in handThe last method chapter is the one the hope has been keeping you from, which is doing something to the life you've got. If the hum is a level, the next…2 min
21The decisionEverything so far comes down to one decision. It isn't to stop wanting things, and it isn't to stay where you are. It's this. No next thing gets to be a…3 min
22Mid-move, the partner who wants it, the bad situation, the first job, retirement, the baby, and when it's more than the humSome situations need the argument adjusted. Here are the ones I'd expect, each in turn. You've already committed. The offer's accepted or the contract's…3 min
23When you were back on the listings at nineIt's a month later, or three, and it's nine at night, and the tab is open again. The search has three bedrooms and a garden in it. You've been in it for…2 min
24Thursday, four o'clockIt's a Thursday. Nothing has arrived. The job is the job, the flat is the flat, and the search is still saved, because you didn't delete it and there was…2 min
·NotesThese notes give the sources behind the claims in each chapter, and say where I'm giving my own interpretation. The book isn't medical advice, and it…7 min