You could have said noConfidence

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You could have said no

A short book about agreeing to things you don't want to do, because a moment of awkwardness feels worse than a lost weekend

18 chapters13,098 wordsAbout 60 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book and you can read it in two or three sittings. It's about one habit. Someone asks you to do something. You don't want to do it, and…2 min
1Four seconds on the pavementIt's Thursday evening and you're putting the bins out. The woman from number fourteen is doing the same. You know her to nod to. She waves, comes over…3 min
2The awkwardness is realA book like this could start by telling you that the discomfort of saying no is all in your head and you should get over it. I'm not going to say that…4 min
3What the yes buysGo back to the pavement and slow it down. At one minute to seven you're wheeling a bin and you feel fine. Your neighbour comes over and you still feel…3 min
4The empty SaturdayThere's a reason the Saturday didn't weigh anything on the pavement, and it's more than the fact that it wasn't in the room. It looked empty. "A week on…3 min
5What you think a no will doIn chapter 3 I put off an objection. The yes doesn't only end a few seconds of tension, you said. It also saves you from what a no would have caused.…3 min
6"It would look like I don't trust them"Some requests are hard to refuse for a particular reason. A no seems to say something rude about the person asking. A friend has started selling skincare…3 min
7"But I like helping"There's a deeper objection than any so far, and it's about who you are. You may have read the last six chapters with growing unease. You're someone people…3 min
8What your yes is worthSo far I've counted what the unwilling yes costs you. This chapter is about what it costs the other person, which is more than you'd think. Most of it is…3 min
9How you became the person they askIf you did the count at the end of chapter 1, you may have noticed that the requests don't come from everywhere equally. They come from the same people…3 min
10"They'd do it for me"I've been hard on the unwilling yes for nine chapters. This chapter is here to stop the argument going too far, because there's a bad version of this book…3 min
11The dentist you don't haveYou may be thinking that you do say no sometimes. You have a way of doing it, which is to be busy. "Oh, I'd have loved to, but I've got a thing that day."…3 min
12Getting out of the momentChapter 1 asked you to imagine the tombola request arriving on a slip of paper, and claimed you'd have ticked no. That was a thought experiment, but…4 min
13The wordsOnce you're at the kitchen table and the answer is no, you have to write it. People make this harder than it is. They draft four paragraphs, or they wait…3 min
14The decisionUp to now this book has asked you to notice things and to try one sentence. This chapter asks you to decide something. It comes this late because I wanted…4 min
15Managers, mothers and people who ask three timesThe method in chapter 14 is simple to describe. It's harder in some places than others, and it would be dishonest to stop without saying where. Your…4 min
16The pavement againHere's the scene from chapter 1 again, a year on. It's an example of how things might go and I'm not promising it. It's a Thursday evening and you're…2 min
·NotesThis book gives general information. It isn't medical, psychological or legal advice, and it's no substitute for a doctor or therapist who knows your…5 min

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