The decision

Everything so far comes down to one decision, and it's smaller than you might expect. You can't decide to stop comparing, because comparing isn't something you decide to do. What you can decide is to stop treating the dip as information. From now on, when it says "I'm behind", you treat that as a claim to be checked, the way you'd treat a rumour. You don't treat it as a finding.

Here's the method. It has six parts. The first four happen in your head in under a minute, and the other two are arrangements you make.

Name it. When the drop comes, say to yourself "That's a dip." This does more than it sounds. It moves the thing from the class of facts about your life into the class of events in your evening.

Ask the question. What didn't I see? You aren't required to answer. You're marking the evidence as partial, and it nearly always is.

Say the fact without the score. "He's been promoted." "They've bought a house." Then stop there, with no "and therefore". A fact about him leaves your day as it was. The part that hurt was your own addition.

Check it against your list. Do I want that, and did I want it before I saw it? If the answer's no, you're finished. If it's yes, write one next step where you'll find it again. You might look up what the course costs, ask her how she did it, or move fifty pounds. The envy has then done the only useful thing it can do.

Do something for the person. Send the congratulations promptly and make them specific. If what you felt was curiosity, ask your question. You'll be behaving like a friend while the feeling is still deciding which way to go.

Arrange the supply. Mute the accounts that reliably leave you lower. Drop the strangers whose job is to look good. Stay off feeds when you're tired or flat, because that's when you'll look upwards and won't have the energy to correct for it. Gilbert's studies found that people undid a pointless comparison when they were able to. You're least able at eleven at night.

Plans of the form "when this happens, then I'll do that" have a good record in research on habits, because they tie the new response to the moment that needs it. You could make three of them. "When I feel the drop, I'll say that's a dip and ask what I didn't see." "When a friend tells me good news, I'll congratulate them the same day." "When I notice I've opened a feed in a low mood, I'll close it and do something else for ten minutes."

As for what to expect, the comparisons will keep coming, and if Gilbert and his colleagues are right they always will. What changes is the gap between the dip landing and you setting it aside. At first that might take an evening. With practice I'd expect it to come down to a few minutes, and for many dips to a few seconds. That's an expectation and not a promise. You'll still get the odd bad drive home. There should be fewer of them, and they won't run on into the next day.

Don't wait for the right occasion to start. There'll be a dip before the week's out, because there always is, and you can begin with that one.