You only saw the good bitsConfidence

unbry

You only saw the good bits

A short book about measuring your life against other people's edited versions and always coming second

17 chapters11,320 wordsAbout 51 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book and you can read it in two or three sittings. It's about one habit. You see a piece of someone else's life, you hold your own life up…2 min
1The drive homeIt's Saturday, a little after eight in the evening, and you're driving home from a housewarming. The house was lovely. The kitchen had an island and a…3 min
2What measuring gives youSuppose you sit an exam and get 64 per cent. You can't tell whether that's good until you hear what everyone else got. If most people scored in the…3 min
3"I'm only being realistic"The strongest defence of the dip is that it's honest. You looked at the evidence, the evidence said you're behind, and refusing to see it would be a…3 min
4You know too much about yourselfThere's a second half to the unfairness, and it concerns what you know about yourself. You have a complete record of your own life. You know about the…3 min
5Who you pickIf you've been keeping the list from chapter 1, have a look at the names on it. If you haven't, make one from memory. Write down the person who comes to…3 min
6"It keeps me going"You might grant all this and still want to keep the habit, because you suspect it drives you. Without the friend's promotion to needle you, you might…3 min
7A league with no topHere's an example that may be familiar. You get a pay rise, a decent one, and for a month you're pleased. Then you learn by accident that a colleague at…3 min
8What the phone addsAll of this is older than the phone. Festinger published in 1954, and people were driving home quiet from housewarmings long before anyone could…4 min
9"But some people really are doing better"So far I've argued that your evidence is partial, that you know too much about yourself, that you pick a committee of specialists and that the ranking has…3 min
10"Everyone my age is further on"One version of the dip gets a chapter of its own, because it doesn't need a housewarming to set it off. A birthday does it, or a form asking for your age.…3 min
11Your own good bitsGo back to the housewarming for a moment. At some point your friend asked how things were with you. You said "Yes, all good", and told her about the one…3 min
12A measure of your ownIf the ranking can't tell you how your life is going, something else has to. It's no use being told to stop using a measure unless you're offered a better…3 min
13The decisionEverything so far comes down to one decision, and it's smaller than you might expect. You can't decide to stop comparing, because comparing isn't…3 min
14Weddings, reunions and bad weeksSome occasions make all this harder, and it's better to know which in advance. Weddings, reunions and big birthdays show everyone's edited version at full…3 min
15The drive home againHere's the same Saturday a few months on, as an example of how it might go. The housewarming is a different friend's this time, and the house is, if…2 min
·NotesThis book gives general information. It isn't medical or psychological advice, and it's no substitute for a doctor or therapist who knows your situation.…6 min

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