The detail and the effect line

Here's the shape. It's two parts and it's short, and it's the answer to chapter 5's worry about wording. This is my method and I'll say so, though the reason for the first part comes straight from the research.

The detail. Say the specific thing you noticed. Not the verdict, the thing. "You didn't get defensive with the teacher." "Those slides had one idea each." "The roses up that wall." "You got down on the floor with them for an hour." The detail is what makes it true, because you can only have noticed a detail if you were paying attention, and it's what makes it hard to brush off, because there's nothing in it to disagree with. It's also what stops it being flattery, since flattery deals in verdicts and has no details to offer. The wording almost doesn't matter once there's a detail in it. The detail is the wording.

The effect line. Say what it did for you, in one sentence. "I'd have lost my temper by the second minute." "It's the first time this quarter I've understood what we're being asked." "It made me want to go home and do something with ours." "I never got that from you at that age, and it's lovely to see." The effect line is what turns an observation into a compliment. Without it, "you didn't get defensive" could be a note. With it, it's a person telling another person that something they did mattered, and that's the news, in chapter 5's terms, that the other person is reading it for.

Two parts, two sentences, ten seconds. A few things to leave out. Leave out "I just wanted to say", which makes it an announcement. Leave out "honestly", which suggests you're not usually. Leave out any comparison to someone else, "you're much better at that than I am", because it moves the subject to you. And leave out the verdict at the end, "you're brilliant", because it's the part that gets waved away, and by then you've already said the thing that can't be.

If you're stuck for a detail, you haven't got a compliment yet. You've got a warm feeling, and that's fine, but it isn't sayable. Wait until you can name the thing. It'll come, usually within the minute, because the warm feeling was caused by something, and the something is the detail.