Say the good thing out loudConfidence

unbry

Say the good thing out loud

A short book about thinking well of people and never telling them

27 chapters12,675 wordsAbout 58 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book and you can read it in two or three sittings. It's about one habit, which is thinking something good about a person and keeping it to…2 min
1The thing you thought on the stairsIt's a Tuesday evening and your partner has just come off the phone with the school. The call was about your son and it wasn't a good call, and you…2 min
2Why it stays inNobody decides to keep their good opinions to themselves. It isn't a policy. It's what happens by default when saying it would cost something and not…2 min
3"They already know"This is the belief that empties most of the drawer before anything else gets a look in. Your partner knows you think they handled it well. Of course they…2 min
4"It'd be awkward"Even if they don't know, there's the moment. You picture saying "you handled that really well" and your whole body objects. It sounds stilted. There'd be…2 min
5"I wouldn't know how to put it"Suppose you accept that it'd land better than you think. There's still the problem of what to say. "Good job" sounds like a manager. "That was amazing"…2 min
6"It'll sound like flattery"There's a version of the squirm that's about character rather than nerves. You don't want to be a flatterer. You've met the people who tell everyone their…2 min
7"I'm not that sort of person"Somewhere behind all of this there's a picture of who you are. You're reserved. You don't gush. People who know you would say you're steady, private, not…2 min
8"They'll think I want something"This one is about the reading. You say to your manager that the way they handled the restructuring was fair, and you watch them wonder what you're after.…2 min
9"It'll go to their head"The last defence of the drawer is that saying the good thing would do harm. Your teenager would coast. Your colleague would stop trying. The person under…2 min
10"They'd only brush it off"You may have tried once. You said something good to your partner and they said "don't be daft" and changed the subject. You told a friend her garden was…2 min
11"I'll say it when it matters"There's a kinder version of the drawer, which is that you're saving it up. You don't say the small things because you're going to say the big thing. At…2 min
12"It'd be odd after all this time"The longer the drawer's been shut, the harder the belief that opening it now would be strange. You've been married fourteen years and you don't say this…2 min
13What you're guessing fromTen chapters of this book have come down to the same thing, which is that the guess is wrong in one direction. You expect less pleasure and more…2 min
14Why one good go doesn't fix itSuppose you say it. Tonight, in the kitchen, you tell your partner the call was handled well, and it lands, and you can see it land. The guess was wrong…2 min
15What the drawer costs youThe case for the drawer, as chapter 2 laid it out, is that keeping the thought in costs nothing. No risk, no squirm, no wording, no pause. That's true of…2 min
16What it costs themChapter 3 made the point that people know what's been said to them. Here's the other half of it. They live on what's been said to them. Your partner's…2 min
17The people you'd never think to say it toSo far this has been about the people you're close to. There's a whole second drawer for everyone else. The woman on the platform in the coat. The man at…2 min
18The detail and the effect lineHere's the shape. It's two parts and it's short, and it's the answer to chapter 5's worry about wording. This is my method and I'll say so, though the…2 min
19Within the hourTiming is most of it. A good thought said the moment after the thing is a different act from the same words said next week, and I'd argue the difference…2 min
20At homeThe people at home are where the drawer is fullest, because you see them most, and where it's hardest to open, because the silence has the most history.…2 min
21At workWork has its own version of every belief in this book, and a couple of its own. It's not your job to comment on people's work unless you manage them. It…2 min
22The decisionYou've read the case. The people around you know only what's been said, the squirm is yours and doesn't cross the room, the wording is the wrong thing to…3 min
23The ex, the colleague who'd take it wrong, families that don't say it, the person who's died, and when it's more than shynessThe rule in chapter 22 is for ordinary cases. Some aren't, and this chapter takes them one at a time. The ex. There's a good thought about someone you're…3 min
24When you went quiet againAt some point, probably in the third or fourth week, you'll notice you've said nothing for five days. The count stopped. The good thoughts came and went…2 min
25The stairs, againIt's a Tuesday, a few weeks on, and your partner has just come off the phone with the school. It wasn't a good call. You listened from the kitchen. They…1 min
·NotesThese notes give the sources behind the claims in each chapter, and say where I'm giving my own interpretation. The book isn't medical advice. If a fear…6 min