Say it this weekConfidence

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Say it this week

A short book about putting off the difficult conversation until it becomes a worse one

18 chapters12,704 wordsAbout 58 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book and you can read it in two or three sittings. It's about one habit. There's something you need to say to someone, and you haven't…2 min
1The car parkIt's a Sunday in August and you're in the car park of a pub where your partner's family have just had lunch. The children are strapped in. Your partner…3 min
2Why waiting feels kinderIf you put off difficult conversations, you may have decided that you're a coward. I don't think you are, and the research doesn't either. Reluctance to…3 min
3"It'll sort itself out"Sometimes it does. It would be dishonest to pretend otherwise, and the habit survives partly because of the times it worked. A colleague was irritating…3 min
4"There's never a good time"You've been waiting for the right moment. It's worth writing down what the right moment would have to look like, because the list is revealing. They'd…3 min
5"They must know by now"By July you were sure that Sam knew. You'd been quiet on Friday evenings for weeks. You'd said "Fine, have fun" in a tone that seemed to you unmistakable.…3 min
6"It'll go badly"You've had this conversation dozens of times in your head, and it has never gone well. In the rehearsal you make your point reasonably, and the other…3 min
7"I don't want to hurt them"This reason feels like the most creditable, so it's the hardest to question. You're not avoiding the conversation for your own sake. You're sparing them.…3 min
8"I'd rather keep the peace"Nobody wants to live or work in a state of conflict. If you grew up in a house where there was shouting, you may have promised yourself that your own home…3 min
9What waiting does to the conversationThe subtitle of this book says that the conversation you put off becomes a worse one. This chapter sets out how. It's the centre of the argument, and most…4 min
10What waiting does to youSo far I've looked at what happens to the conversation and to the other person. This chapter is about the cost to you in the meantime. For some people…3 min
11"I'll put it in a message"Once you've accepted that the thing has to be said, the next temptation is to write it instead. You could send a long text, an email or a letter left on…3 min
12The first two sentencesThe hardest part of a difficult conversation is the first ten seconds. People who dread these conversations usually aren't short of things to say. What…3 min
13After the first two sentencesYou've said your two sentences. What happens next isn't in your control, but it's more predictable than you'd think, and a few things make it go better.…4 min
14The decisionThis chapter asks you to decide something. It comes late because at the start it would have sounded like "just be braver", which is no help to anyone. By…3 min
15Bosses, parents and people who frighten youThe method is simple. Some situations aren't, and I should be plain about them. When they have power over you. Raising something with a boss carries risks…4 min
16The car park againHere's a scene from some months later. It's an example of how things might go, and I'm not promising it. It's a Tuesday in February. Over the past few…2 min
·NotesThis book gives general information. It isn't relationship counselling, legal advice or medical advice, and it's no substitute for a professional who…4 min

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