The next move is yoursConfidence

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The next move is yours

A short book about the victim mentality, and how to get out of it

15 chapters11,281 wordsAbout 51 minFirst edition

What's inside

·Before you startThis is a short book. You can read it in two or three evenings. "Victim mentality" is mostly used as an insult. People say it to end a conversation, and…3 min
1Thursday, and still explaining MondayHere's an example. On Monday the head of department announces that the team leader job has gone to a colleague who joined two years after you. Nobody…4 min
2What handing over buys youGo back to the envelope on the hall shelf. Every time the person in that example walks past it, two things could happen. They could open it, or they could…4 min
3"It wasn't my fault"Suppose someone drives into your parked car during the night and leaves no note. It's entirely their fault. You were asleep. All the same, the car with…3 min
4"Nothing I do makes any difference"Here's an example. In her last job a woman complained twice about a supervisor who bullied her. Nothing was done, and she found out later that she'd been…4 min
5"If I let it go, they get away with it"Think again about the deposit, eight years on. The person in that example could tell you the amount, the month, and what their mother said on the phone.…3 min
6"I just need to get it off my chest"By Thursday, in the first example, the story of Monday had been told five times. There's also the phone call to your sister that lasts ninety minutes and…3 min
7"They did it on purpose"You walk into the kitchen at work and two colleagues stop talking. A text you sent yesterday morning still has no reply. An email about a project you're…4 min
8"After everything I've been through"Here's an example. Someone has had a terrible year. There was a redundancy, and then a parent's long illness. One evening their partner asks if they could…3 min
9"It's all right for some"Not every grievance has a person at the other end. A colleague your age has just bought a house, with family help that you never had. Someone from school…3 min
10"Who would I be without it?"You're at a dinner, sitting next to someone you've never met. Within twenty minutes they know about the divorce, or the firm that got rid of you, or what…3 min
11The decisionEverything so far comes down to one rule. Whoever's fault it was, I ask what my next move is, and I make it. The rule doesn't say the fault was yours. It…5 min
12When the move doesn't workYou asked your manager why you were passed over, and you got a vague answer and an uneasy smile. You rang the friend, and she was pleasant and distant and…4 min
13The next wrongSome time in the next few weeks, somebody will treat you unfairly. It may be a small thing, such as a queue jumped or a favour forgotten. It may be a…1 min
·NotesThis book gives general information. It isn't medical, psychological or legal advice, and it's no substitute for a doctor, therapist or solicitor who…5 min

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