While you're there, and afterwards

You're through the door and you've said hello to the host. This chapter covers the rest of the evening and the twelve hours after it, which matter as much.

Bring your attention back, again and again. Your attention will go to your face, your hands and your last sentence. Each time you notice, bring it back to the person in front of you. Listen to what they're saying, and notice what they seem to feel about it. You'll have to do this dozens of times in an evening, and that doesn't mean you're failing at it.

Let pauses be pauses. A gap in a conversation feels to you like something you caused and have to fix. It's neither of those things. The other person is as responsible for it as you are, and most gaps get filled within a few seconds. If one doesn't, use one of your three questions. You can also say "I'm going to get another drink, can I get you one?", which is an ordinary way of ending any conversation.

Drop one prop. Pick the easiest one tonight. Leave the phone in your coat pocket. Next time, spend twenty minutes away from the friend you came with. The time after that, say the sentence without rehearsing it first. One at a time is enough. Each evening you get through without a prop tells you that you didn't need it.

Take a break if you need one, and come back. Five minutes in the garden or the toilets is fine, and many people do it. What matters is coming back. A break that turns into leaving is the excuse again.

If the nerves surge, stay put and let them pass. The NHS notes that some people with social anxiety have panic attacks, with an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety, usually only for a few minutes. If that's what happens to you, it's worth talking to a GP. For an ordinary surge, stay where you are, breathe slowly, and keep listening to whoever's talking. The NHS suggests breathing exercises for stress as one of its self-help tips. Surges pass in a few minutes. If you've stood through one, you'll be less frightened of the next.

Leave properly. When your hour is up and you'd like to go, find the host, thank them, say goodbye to whoever you were last talking to, and go. Don't slip away unseen. A proper goodbye takes a minute, and it means the last thing people see is you being friendly on your way out.

Write the three facts that night. Chapter 13 explained why. Write down three plain things that happened, and your number out of ten. Put the prediction from chapter 5 beside it. If you like, add a word about how much energy you had when you got home.

Stop the going-over when it starts. It will start, probably in bed. When you catch it, don't argue with it and don't try to work out whether the remark was really that bad. Tell yourself it's the going-over and that you've already written the evening down, then turn to something else. A book is good for that, or a podcast, or planning tomorrow. If it keeps coming back for days, that's a sign that more help would be useful, and chapter 19 covers it.

Look at the log after five events. You'll have five predictions and five results, and fifteen plain facts. My expectation is that the results are milder than the predictions nearly every time, and that the facts include several things you were glad not to have missed. They're from evenings you actually went to, so you can trust them more than the imagined ones.